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super_hollie
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March 17th, 2009

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Long time since I have listened to this song. Long time since I have felt the way I do. God I just have so much on my mind. It's so amazing how things change so fast and you don't even really notice it. But we all make choices. Those choices lead us all on different paths. Those paths lead us into eternity. I feel like I am traveling on a dirt trail all alone right now. Everyone seems to have it so together. and I know nothing about what I really want. Well I know what I want, but I am waiting. Waiting for something, but not sure what it is. I just don't think I made the right decisions in life. I fucked myself over. Help me?

December 9th, 2008

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I haven't been this upset in a really long time ;_;

November 4th, 2008

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I must vent before I can think straight enough to do homework:::


UGH ON FUCKING PEOPLE MAN!! Why does the south consist of apolitical ignorant red necks? I don't know either. It's annoying. I am particularly not happy with one person in particular right now. She just happened to say the thing to piss me off today. Congrats to her!! I am on an intramural bowling team and we have to play tonight from 10-12. Well first of all I didn't find out until um.. TODAY and second I had plans to watch the election results tonight with my friends. The girl who pissed me off, we'll call her Kathy, is on my intramural bowling team. I told her that I won't make it because I am watching the election results and she says, "why do you even care?" I was like. "um... because one: political science is my major and two: I actually care about democracy and the future of our country." her: "Well you signed up to bowl....." Me: "Yeah and I said I can bowl any day but Tuesday... today is tuesday, sorry" Her: "then you should have signed up for another day to bowl." Me: "yeah but I didn't sign up for tuesdays and it's too late to change anything now." Her: "Yeah... obviously....." I am just like are you fucking kidding me??? She doesn't give a shit about our country, she probably doesn't even have any solid reasons for voting for the person she voted for. I am tired of people like that being able to determine the leader of our country! She kept saying, "oh well we had fun last time when you weren't there" so I'm like "good, you'll have fun again tonight then" and she got up and left. UGH! people people people. Ya know I will be glad when I can get away from this college. This school is not really a great school, the people are either red necks or alcoholics and I just have no place here. i am tired of dealing with the gossip and catty shit of the sorority, I am tired of trying to please everyone. Ya know what? The past week I have done what I want to do and not always said yes when people asked me to do their work or favor them and ya know what? it feels good. FOr far too long I have catered to other people and put myself second.. but no more. so TAKE THAT BITCHES!

:D

November 2nd, 2008

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Migraine's suck.... goodnight world.

October 30th, 2008

Time, moves slowly while you're gone
I haven't heard your voice in quite some time
But I still see your face
I cannot erase the things you've done
And all the ways you kept me hangin' on

Now your gone
I've moved on
And I don't feel so sorry
Can't you see I'm bleeding
But I won't bleed anymore
I've held on
For so long
But I had to let you go
At the end of our broken road

I know, it hurts to hear the truth
Well maybe
I was never meant to be with you
And I cannot replace
The tears of disgrace
That run for you
Cause running from the truth is what you do

Now your gone
I've moved on
And I don't feel so sorry
Can't you see I'm bleeding
But I won't bleed anymore
I've held on
For so long
But I had to let you go
At the end of our broken road

You were all I've ever known
And I cannot replace all these tears of disgrace
And I won't bleed for you anymore

Now your gone
I've moved on
And I don't feel so sorry
Can't you see I'm bleeding
But I won't bleed anymore
I've held on
For so long
But I had to let you go
At the end of our broken road

And I won't bleed for you anymore
I've moved on
And I won't bleed for you anymore
I'm bleeding but I won't bleed anymore

I've held on
For so long
At the end of our broken road

October 29th, 2008

Fuck

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So my day just keeps bettering. First started off with information that a certain someone had sex with someone and it felt so good and blah di blah, but it's okay cuz he thought about me the whole time... You sealed your own fate when those words escaped your mouth. HOpe you are happy with eskimo girl. And on top of that I got my results back from my practice LSAT i took. Come to find out i'm pretty fucking stupid. I scored below average and doubt I would ever have a chance of getting into law school. I can't believe it. everything I want to do in life I am never smart enough for. I feel incompetant and i think i'm prety much just going to quit trying. Why try when I will never succeed anyways? and then I got my composite pictures back i took and of course I have the squinty eye, messed up hair, odd shaped head thing going on. So not only am I stupid but I am ugly too, AND am fucking forgettable. What a day and it's not even anywhere near done yet.

Memories

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Memories can be a haunting thing. They can remind you of a great past full of life, love, and happiness but in no way resemble what could be a happy present or future. Sometimes I wish I I could just forget. It would be easier.

October 19th, 2008

lost

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God I hate the way I have been feeling lately. Lost and alone. All the time. I miss the days when I actually had friends who cared and wanted to be arounjd me. Who cared. yeah, that's what I miss. Having a friend to lean on, to laugh with, to share with. Now it's only myself. I don't understand. I only want to be normal. I feel like I can't be. I feel like I cannot be myself anymore. There are too many restrictions and obstacles in life and I feel like I've given up all hope. I'm just sad all the time. I never get a fulfilled feeling out of my life anymore. I feel unimportant and just useless. I am very lonely. I'm lost.

September 6th, 2008

Just Dance

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So life has been going the past week. Classes were boring as hell !! I didn't really do a lot of homework. I found myself super destracted all the time. but ya know what? for the most part my week was okay. I got to go out dancing again, went to a surprise birthday party, did yoga, went to a "passions party". I got to do things I wanted to do as compared to doing things I HAVE to do.(i.e. homework) actually since this is a random update of pretty much my exact thoughts as they come to me I'm going to make a list of what needs to be done and by when so I don't forget.

Need to read (3 chapters I believe) and do online homework for LIS 201-- Due September 10.
Read the Jungle (to chapter 20 by Friday) Review notes for HIS 202
Print and Read articles for PS 406 (i'm discussion leader thursday!>_@)--Thursday MUY IMPORTANTE!!!!
Read book for Philosophy
Read "You Decide" book for PS 101 and the actually book (3 chapters I believe)
Do diamond sister stuff
Chapter meeting tomorrow and minutes due!
LAUNDRY!!
Clean room

So that's more than just homework but random things came to my mind. so at this party I went to last night I had a SUPER weird realization and then a super awkward conversation with someone. I mean it wasn't super awkward but it made me think of something I never have thought before. hmm.. *pondering*

So I should definitely be doing my homework now instead of this. but ya know what? it helps for me to get everything out of my mind before I dedicate it to doing homework. If I have all this on my mind WHILE trying to read... I would retain absolutely NOTHING! I am going to do community service today at petsmart with the cute little puppies!!

anyways, I need to go get ready for community service. I really want to write about my realization though... it's um.. yeah.. really made me wonder about my life and what's going on right now. peace outside for now :D

<3 Hollie

P.S. I love this record baby, but I can’t see straight anymore.
Keep it cool what’s the name of this club?
I can’t remember but it’s alright, alright.

Just dance. Gunna be okay.

August 30th, 2008

She is shy and quiet

a smile upon her face.

She laughs, she cries.

Yet, she feels alone.

She is beautiful in her own way;

intelligent and loving.

Yet, she still feels alone.

The tears she cries fall on her cheeks alone.

No burdens shared.

She feels alone.

Through the smiles and the laughs secretely screaming for attention;

help from anyone. Noone.

She Is alone.


So I think it's safe to say that I officially had a break down tonight. As I sat in his car curled up in a ball with my own snot and tears covering my face I realized I was falling apart. I started scratching at myself, pulling my hair out, screaming... I don't know what's wrong with me. Do I have attachment issues? No. I have issues with people being my "boyfriend" and doing and saying the shit that they do. I can only take so much of it before I start getting really upset by it. He says I brought everything on myself and he did not hing wrong; that deep down I really am a bad person; and that I just hold him back from life. I already have any self confidence and belief in myself of about the size of an ant, and
hearing what I have been hearing lately only squashes the little bit that was there. I sit here now still in tears thinking to myself how bad of a person I am. It's me. I guess It really is me. I always like to help people and be nice and thoughtful and unselfish but apparently I am NONE of these things. And I will never ammount to anything. I pretty much am a useless sad person with nothing going for me. Nobody truly understands the way I feel or why i do; I can't expect them to. But I am not just being emo or what not. I have real issues and I am a person with real feelings. Feelings that seem to be haywire right now and out of control. I was having issues way before school started and now they are only getting progressively worse. Is it too much to ask for?? happiness... have I really done so much wrong in my life I dont deserve it? I am really starting to think this is the case. I need help.
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